A Rigorous Week

Monday
07//12//2021

0530

Alarm woke us up. Excited, I quickly woke up and got ready for the first day of Summer School. I found out that our school consular got us the course for free. I was beyond grateful and plan to thank her once I see her again. This course was a course our previous host struggled with. Due to a deep depression and being on too much medication (we had an abusive psychiatrist), he slept through most of the classes. Teachers told him to stand the entire class, some made him run up and down the stairs. It did not work, he slept standing up in that class. After running, he would lay his head back down. This consular noticed we were extremely disconnected. Our previous host went dormant in December of 2019. Myself, Simon, decided to take our life into my hands and fix this. Because I knew our system had more potential. Raising our GPA from 1.9 to a 3.0. This coming year I will be taking AP and Honors classes to raise it even more. Summer school is just a test run before next year. 

The class lasts from 7000 to 1200. I found out on the first day that it was a self directed course. That was when I grew nervous, as that was the reason our previous host did not get through it the second time. The first time, he slept through the course. The second, it was online and he lost all motivation to even open the website. The instructor went over the basics. He stated if we finished the course early, you would not have to come back to the summer class every morning. 

He mentioned how the pretests and passing those would be everyone's best option. He hinted at cheating and looking up the answers on the pre-tests. This upset me, as it went against one of my core values. I started the course. I wrote on paper and did well. I got to about 10 percent on the first day I believe. 

1200

When I left, I still felt that I had energy for the next day. I wanted to keep working, but I knew I would drain myself if I did. I planned to work on my bullet journal and make a spread for this week. But I did not get to it until about Wednesday. I believe we slept and did not complete the other goals I wanted. 

Tuesday
07//13//2021

0530

On Sunday I bought a new daily planner. I usually have plain ones for weekly and monthly spreads. But I also find it beneficial to plan my day by hour. You will see photos of it throughout this blog. Tonight I worked. Recently, the managers have been changing quite a few things around. Those who have been working there before Covid, it will be normal for them. But this is new for me and a few co-workers. We are not as badly understaffed as we used to be. Due to being understaffed, we were used to doing most of the duties that our title had. Now, they want us to be in a leading position. They have told us that we do best here, but it has been stressing me out extremely. I struggle deeply with needing to be in control. That is something I need to learn to let go because it is something that breaks the harmony within me. I think I may discuss this later in the blog as this topic is something I have been thinking about this current week rather than the one I am writing about. 

1200

Time flies when I am studying. I used Forest when I was studying. I usually got around 4 hours, some days I had almost 5 hours, some days it was 4 hours sharp. I noticed that around 4 hours I could stop and still have enough drive for the next day. Any more than that, I noticed I started to get very drained. My tasks I wanted to do, I pushed until the next day again. That included my finances, bullet journal and working on my social media.  

Wednesday
07//14//2021

One year with our lovely fiance. She has been our number one cheerleader. I thank her for all she does for us, even though at the moment we have a difficult time expressing it. 

 I wrote down on this day that I started to get stressed during my topic tests. The first one took about 3 days to reach, it was over a lot of information but the topics later were much shorter. So this caused a little stress. Most of the review questions were open answers, I felt I knew nothing. But when I did the actual test, it was all multiple choice. I did much better. I had a lot more confidence. 

Tonight I did not have work. I finally had two days off work, which was quite nice. On this day, I completed my finances and bullet journal. A new acquaintance of mine kept mentioning if I had endorsed any recent creative activities. That drove me to finally work on the bullet journal. I kept it quite small due to being three days into the week. 

Thursday 
07//15//2021

Another day, this day we slept in until 0600. I set a goal to try and reach 50% on completion of the course. I was able to reach 46% at the end of the course. 

After the course I then recharged at home. I read, which is something I am still improving on. I then had work at 1700. It said I was training, so I was confused because when I got there, there were about 5 of us. This day caused me a lot of stress. I do enjoy our job, I enjoy it more than it stresses me out. We had new people and we were still working on changing the style due to having enough people. I worked on directing the others to try and keep flow and harmony. It was a challenge, I know we grew extremely upset. We asked if we could go into the back and calm down as I could feel we would snap. This is a personal journey as much as a professional one. The others come to us when they do not have a plan or an idea one what to do. Our managers have picked this up and know we are a good leader. However, performing the plan ourselves is much more comfortable than asking someone else to do it. Trust but verify. I read that in my Daily Stoic book. It echoed in my mind that night multiple times. Making sure the others finished their work, if a mistake was made I would point it out in a kind way and suggest how to fix it. I am working on taking responsibility. It is difficult due to the fact I had taken blame for someone and a co-worker threatened to fight me. She later apologized, they always apologize after snapping at us. Our fiance told us it was due to the fact that we are good leaders. I still struggle to believe it. Some say if they snap at me that much, then I do my job poorly. While others have told me and shown that many are quite lazy and need a bit of motivation to be pushed. They are usually upset at first, but once they make their money and are put in a good mood. They thank us. 

We closed, our eyes drooping and our head aching. We told our manager and co-workers good night and headed home. Our fiance was wide awake, we fell asleep right as we hit our bed. Something I had never experienced before.  

A busy day from 0600 to 2330. Emotionally draining, physically draining, but I learned more useful skills. Another day concluded and used wisely. 

Friday 
07//16//2021

0530

The day before I knew that we were not getting enough calories or nutrients. Our fiance suggested a protein shake. This morning, I made a protein shake, I showered, brushed my teeth, had medication, breakfast and coffee. A content morning. 

0700

First study session began, but I could barely get to 30 minutes of studying. I took a break and tried to relax. After the break I studied the rest of the time, writing so many notes and making sure to focus. Right after, at 1230, we slept until work. A well deserved nap. 

1700

Work. Still working on the new style at work. It is difficult, it is frustrating. It was a mess. The manager who closed that night was very kind to me and kept answering my questions. So did the SP that night. They knew it was difficult for me but they told me that I am needed up there if this will run even decently well. I saw some improvement, my directing got better but I did get overwhelmed due to the fact people came to me for answers (Guest and co-workers). It was difficult to direct and talk to guests, but I tried. At the end of the night, our manager could tell we were exhausted. We did not close until 2300 that night. We did not get home until midnight. This manager has recently been noticed by the director. She has a lot of pressure on her and wants to make sure everything is perfect. I understood this. I knew she was working on improving things and making sure she worked with each co-worker. It took a while but we were patient and made sure not to bother her as she worked with the servers. We did our job and once complete we came to her. Letting her know what was all finished. She let us go home, the next day I opened. 

We did not sleep until about 1 AM. 

Saturday
07//17//2021

0900

We allowed ourselves to sleep. There was no summer class during the weekend. I took the opportunity to rest. I got coffee and then went to work. My goal was to stay there until at least 1800 to try and reach 8 hours. But, we were kept longer. Which was completely fine. From 1015 to about 2000, we did 10 hours of work. I know once home I began to work on some of this blog. I then grew tired and decided to spend some time with our fiance. 

Sunday
07//18//2021

Today was interesting. Our mental state was not the greatest. We talked mostly online and tried to find a way to recharge but it did not go very well. At 1600 we had work, however a co-worker offered to take our shift because she was struggling to get hours. I said it would be okay. I explained to the closing manager that I work 6 days next week and still had summer class which I woke up at 0530 for. I was so worried he would be disappointed. He puts a lot of responsibility on us. Our Therapist says that he is grooming us towards leadership.He has stated that he sees potential in us. Often I do feel like he is a father we are trying to keep pleasing. But it has got much better recently. Fear is still there, but we know we are valued and he expresses that to us. 

He told us to do something to relax for once. I laughed at him, I never really ever knew how to do that. He suggested fishing (We hate water and underwater creatures), he said skateboarding and went on. I told him I would find something that would allow me to relax.I think riding our bike will be a good way to relax. It is a healthy way and it would help our depression if we do not have a busy schedule. 

Overview

This week exposed a lot of things we need to work on. Which was something I asked the Deities I work with to show to me. At work, I had to learn new skills and adapt, which I am still struggling with. Recently, I have also met a DID system who is a few generations ahead. He shared with me how he balances the workload with his system. His goal, to show the people who said that they would never be functional, wrong. He did. Working over 100 hours, making above average salary and still functioning as a system. I linked this to my job and our system. The skills I learn from work, where I am groomed to be a leader. I am able to put into our system, where I am a gatekeeper, an admin. I must know the strengths and weaknesses of our system mates. I must trust my members. I must trust, but verify. In order for us to function as a system, I need to learn trust. The same way I need to learn trust at work in order for us to function well and to give the best service possible. That is what I plan to work on this coming week. 

Thank you all for reading, I appreciate you all greatly. 

That is all,

Farewell.